I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
