Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
