I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
