Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize