I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
