Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
