everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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