I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
