we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
