So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
