five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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