I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
