it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
