dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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