I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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