my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
