i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
