Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
