I could make wine with my vomit
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
