Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
