Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
