oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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