WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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