If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize