Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize