Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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