I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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