I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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