I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
