You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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