honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
