Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
