You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
