some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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