we're blogging at a bar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
