You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize