It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He felt like a one man threesome
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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