dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize