i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
