btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
