watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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