all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
