Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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