"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
