I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
