I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
vagina is talking i cant
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
