Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize