The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize