Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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