if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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