took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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