i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
