Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
