Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
