How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
