So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize