u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
