last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
