I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
