if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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