I cockslap morals
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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