I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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