I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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