I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
