I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
