you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
