I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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