Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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