Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
