I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
