God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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