Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
