Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
