so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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