My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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