So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize